brenna

Cat Related

Long time no tumble. I got my cat spayed, finally. She was probably insane  at the vet but they played it off by saying she was “a little nervous.” She came back with clipped claws, which I wish were a regular thing for her, but she’d never allow it. She’s been improving daily.

Daily Life

Every day is a struggle not to get discouraged.

Apocalypse Dream

I had another ream last night.  It was the apocalypse, and a comet was going to hit Earth.  No one was expected to survive; it was very large.  I couldn’t get together with all of my family; they are all spread apart, and I am far away.  I actually ended up spending a lot of my last hours with my step sisters and step brother.  There were Christmas lights.  That makes me think it was about my anxiety about the holidays because 1. they are never as good as they used to be for the same reasons that I was separated from my family during the apocalypse and 2. they’re just a reminder of how poor I am. 

I remember I called my mom because I wanted to make sure we were cool before we all died since our relationship hasn’t been what I’ve wanted it to be. She was very nonchalant about it all.  She seemed to think we weren’t all going to die after all; I thought maybe she was drunk or something (who wouldn’t want to be at the end of the world?).  I tried explaining to her that we were doomed, which made me sob uncontrollably.  The comet was huge in the sky by this point.  I tried taking a picture of it with my phone, but the image came out looking cartoonish, like there was a drawing of pizza on the surface of the comet.  I came to realize that sending this would not convince my mom.  It also made me wonder if it was all really happening.

I wished I could have two phones, at least, so that I could talk to both of my parents at once.  I didn’t know where my brother was.  I didn’t know where Justin was.  And I thought we were all going to die, although I couldn’t even be certain about that anymore.  It didn’t stop me from crying.