brenna

Photo

Wed, 18 May 2011 21:44:12 -0500

Rain coming in.

Wed, 18 May 2011 21:42:43 -0500

Rain coming in.

weltschmerz

Wed, 18 May 2011 21:40:18 -0500

weltschmerz

Cat Related

Wed, 18 May 2011 21:37:50 -0500

Long time no tumble. I got my cat spayed, finally. She was probably insane at the vet but they played it off by saying she was “a little nervous.” She came back with clipped claws, which I wish were a regular thing for her, but she’d never allow it. She’s been improving daily.

*rana june: Words That Don't Exist in the English Language

Thu, 17 Mar 2011 00:19:26 -0500

*rana june: Words That Don't Exist in the English Language:

Gheegle: (Filipino) The urge to pinch or squeeze something that is unbearably cute.

Cualacino: (Italian) The mark left on a table by a cold glass.

Sgriob: (Gaelic) The itchiness that overcomes the upper lip just before taking a sip of whisky

L’esprit de escalier: (French) The feeling you…

"Walk on, walk on. Don’t look back. Don’t ask questions. Don’t you try to..."

Wed, 19 Jan 2011 16:04:06 -0600

“Walk on, walk on. Don’t look back. Don’t ask questions. Don’t you try to understand.”

- John Hiatt, “Walk On”

Daily Life

Tue, 18 Jan 2011 21:41:13 -0600

Every day is a struggle not to get discouraged.

itsfullofstars

Wed, 22 Dec 2010 18:28:23 -0600

itsfullofstars

Apocalypse Dream

Tue, 14 Dec 2010 15:16:00 -0600

I had another ream last night. It was the apocalypse, and a comet was going to hit Earth. No one was expected to survive; it was very large. I couldn’t get together with all of my family; they are all spread apart, and I am far away. I actually ended up spending a lot of my last hours with my step sisters and step brother. There were Christmas lights. That makes me think it was about my anxiety about the holidays because 1. they are never as good as they used to be for the same reasons that I was separated from my family during the apocalypse and 2. they’re just a reminder of how poor I am.

I remember I called my mom because I wanted to make sure we were cool before we all died since our relationship hasn’t been what I’ve wanted it to be. She was very nonchalant about it all. She seemed to think we weren’t all going to die after all; I thought maybe she was drunk or something (who wouldn’t want to be at the end of the world?). I tried explaining to her that we were doomed, which made me sob uncontrollably. The comet was huge in the sky by this point. I tried taking a picture of it with my phone, but the image came out looking cartoonish, like there was a drawing of pizza on the surface of the comet. I came to realize that sending this would not convince my mom. It also made me wonder if it was all really happening.

I wished I could have two phones, at least, so that I could talk to both of my parents at once. I didn’t know where my brother was. I didn’t know where Justin was. And I thought we were all going to die, although I couldn’t even be certain about that anymore. It didn’t stop me from crying.

explodingdog: insulting a rock

Wed, 08 Dec 2010 17:11:18 -0600

explodingdog:

insulting a rock

Nightmare

Wed, 08 Dec 2010 17:08:00 -0600

Sometimes I have nightmares about clenching and grinding my teeth. In the dream, I can’t get my jaw to open, and trying to makes it clench down tighter. So, I try moving my jaw from side to side, but this causes the pain to be worse, and the pain is really bad (it seems so damned real). I also feel like I can feel my teeth being damaged and loosened. Eventually I cannot fix it and I cannot stop grinding and clenching. Then I’ll wake up.

Last night, it went farther. I broke my teeth, one on each side of the bottom set, and they fell out. So I had bloody bits of my teeth in my hands. When I went to get medical attention, they made me rinse out my mouth, which was hard because I still couldn’t really open it.

Then they made me admit that I did it because I’m too stressed, I have anxiety, and I depressed—that it was some kind of cry for help. I cried. They made me sign papers to admit myself to a mental hospital. I have no insurance, and although it is a relief that they are going to help me and that they’ll fix my teeth (I think it was a condition of the repair that I sign the papers to admit myself—messed up), I get even more stressed thinking about how I’ll pay for it all. I woke up in horror.

One of the most terrifying dreams I’ve had in awhile. It still makes me upset when I think about it. I’ve had teeth just falling out dreams before, and I’ve heard they’re common, but this is something else all together. Something I hope I never dream again. My tenses are all mixed up, but I don’t care. I don’t want to read this again to fix them.

"You were lost and got lucky, came upon the shore Found you were conquering America Spoke of peace,..."

Tue, 30 Nov 2010 04:39:05 -0600

“

You were lost and got lucky, came upon the shore
Found you were conquering America
Spoke of peace, waged a war
While you were conquering America

There was land to take and people to kill
While you were conquering America
You served yourself and did God’s will
While you were conquering America

The ghost of Columbus haunts this world
You’re still conquering America
The meek won’t survive, inherit the earth,
‘Cause you’re still conquering America
America, America, America

Found bodies to serve, submit and degrade,
While you were conquering America
Made of soldiers and junkies, prisoners and slaves
While you were conquering America
America, America, America

Your hands are at my throat, my back’s against the wall
You’re still conquering America
We’re sick and tired, hungry and poor
‘Cause you’re still conquering America

You bomb the very ground that feeds your own babies
You’re still conquering America
Your sons and your daughters, may never sing you praises
While you’re conquering America
America, America, America

I see your eyes seek the distant shore
While you were conquering America
Take your rockets to the moon, try to find a new world
And you’re still conquering America
America, America, America

The ghost of Columbus haunts this world
You’re still conquering America
You’re still conquering America
You’re still conquering America

”

- Tracy Chapman, “America.” In honor of Thanksgiving (Belated)

itsfullofstars: Laika come home.(by vietnamted, submitted by...

Wed, 03 Nov 2010 21:17:40 -0500

itsfullofstars:

Laika come home.
(by vietnamted, submitted by kmehnle@gmail.com)

I told myself that I didn’t mind that I put on a little weight. I used to be a bean pole. ...

Wed, 03 Nov 2010 21:10:10 -0500

I told myself that I didn’t mind that I put on a little weight. I used to be a bean pole. But now I think my face looks fat when I smile. This is not to be tolerated.

I’m getting really tired of fake people. I mean, more than usual. They sit around acting like...

Sat, 09 Oct 2010 18:31:39 -0500

I’m getting really tired of fake people. I mean, more than usual. They sit around acting like they’re tough shit or something, and everyone is supposed to care. I have better things to do than listen to them drone on about crap that doesn’t matter to me.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe I’ve already met too many cool people. I’ve met my quota. There aren’t any left. Most of the new people I meet seem to be lacking in shared interests and ideas. They might think, for example, that no one who is a good person in America goes hungry.

What can you even say to that? You’re an idiot and a horrible person? It’s one thing to try to look on the bright side, but that’s just insane. The mere suggestion makes me want to spit with anger. They can’t even seem to grasp the implications of shit like that. You said it, but you don’t even know what you’re really saying. Or you do, and please get away from me.

It's Full of Stars: Let's Bust Some Myths: The Million Dollar Space Pen

Wed, 06 Oct 2010 12:48:43 -0500

It's Full of Stars: Let's Bust Some Myths: The Million Dollar Space Pen:

itsfullofstars:

“NASA spent millions of dollars developing an “astronaut pen” which would work in outer space while the Soviets solved the same problem by simply using pencils.”

Totally False.

Both country’s space programs used pencils in their early years, but broken lead tips proved to be a safety…

Minor confidence breakdown last night. This calls for a walk.

Wed, 29 Sep 2010 14:03:07 -0500

Minor confidence breakdown last night. This calls for a walk.

Not Whining, Just Letting it Out

Thu, 23 Sep 2010 14:32:39 -0500

When you’re unemployed, time moves differently. I don’t know how housewives did it for so long. You can only be kept busy doing housework for so long. I guess they had other housewives to hang out with in the neighborhood. And they probably drank wine, lots of wine.

I don’t care if it does make people think of me as less of an adult: I think wine tastes like olives and ass. I’ll pass.

Sports, God, Family, Shopping, and Fluffy Puppies

Sat, 18 Sep 2010 17:22:00 -0500

Some people sure manage to make it seem like they are living sheltered lives. Most of them probably are, I’m just trying to account for some people who are going to try to make it seem like everything is great even if it’s not. But that makes it sound like I’m talking about personal problems here, which I am not.

Some people only post about how much they love sports, God, their families, shopping, and fluffy puppies. Do they ever think about the less fortunate? I have to assume yes, although I have seen no evidence of it. At least, I lean toward yes when it comes to people I know. I’d like to think they’re not as sheltered as they come off, but…

Do they ever see homeless people? Do they ever think about the environment? Rape? Kittens dying at the hands of Peta? Anything that’s not sunshine and love? They probably don’t want to, which makes me more angry. Ignoreland. That’s the good old U.S. of A. If things make you sad then you’re a downer, and you should probably think more positively. It’s the Land of Hogwash.

Lock Down on 365Tomorrows

Fri, 17 Sep 2010 12:23:36 -0500

Lock Down on 365Tomorrows:

They published my flash fiction story. :)